We're changing how "my life is leroy" operates: I'm going to blog about my adventures in Italy while Andrew explains his bizarre life in Austin. We'll try to stay organized and alternate, but knowing us this bad boy is going to turn into a clusterfuck.
BEAR with us.
Love,
Rachel and Andrew
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Meet me by the trees
1. Best/Worst Pick-Up Line:
A few days after I moved into my apartment last year, I was walking up the street to meet a friend for lunch. About halfway to the top, a guy came out of a house I had just passed and began his own journey up the street. He steadily increased his pace until he was walking next to me. I, noticing this, was a bit apprehensive as he turned to talk to me. And he gave me what was possibly the most wonderful pick-up line in the world "Hi, I'm Rick. I'm trying to meet everyone on the street. What's your name?" It was just too irresistible.
2. Freshman Encounters
Towards the end of my freshman year at college, I met Joe. On the outside, he seemed very cool. He was cute, funny, and very talented at the guitar. But the more I hung out with him, the weirder he became. First I learned about his shaving habits. Now, most guys I know shave their faces or even their heads. I have no problem with the regular removal of body hair, but Joe took shaving to a whole other level. As I learned, Joe liked to shave ALL of his body hair off once a year. You may be thinking, shaving body hair isn't that odd. But he shaved EVERYTHING. Face, head, arms, legs, even eyebrows! And it wasn't just whenever he felt like it, it was on the SUMMER SOLSTICE. He was actually upset because the quarter system at school made him postpone his shaving day to a later date, past the solstice. More incidents began to happen, getting weirder and weirder. I finally decided it was time to break it off. I texted Joe and asked him to meet me so we could talk. When he responded, he said MEET ME BY THE TREES. Now, our campus is not bursting with green areas, but there are definitely enough groups of trees to cause confusion. I figured out what trees he meant and broke it off, thankfully before the summer solstice happened and he tried to shave my head.
3. RICHIE RICH
I met Damien through a friend. He seemed really cool and I was excited about this new addition to our social circle. Damien and I went to eat once and we had a blast. It went so well, we decided to try it again. Take two was tragic. First, he was late. I had to stand outside of the restaurant waiting for him to arrive. When he did, he was wearing a sweater with possibly the lowest v-neck ever invented and NO UNDERSHIRT. We made our way to the table and sat down. Now, Damien sat next to me instead of across from me, taking up two tables, which didn't seem to be a problem as the restaurant wasn't very crowded. The hostess gave him the stink eye though; apparently too much for him to handle. He proceeded to say very loudly "It's ok, I'm rich" repeatedly. I wanted to leave immediately, but I was really hungry so I decided to stick it out. During the meal, Damien proceeded to talk about his foreign travels (easy for him to do because he's rich), blatantly flirt with the waitress, and not offer to pay for my meal with his exorbitant wealth. I left as soon as possible which was still not soon enough. He now does not understand why I don't want to talk to him. I guess money doesn't buy social skills.
A few days after I moved into my apartment last year, I was walking up the street to meet a friend for lunch. About halfway to the top, a guy came out of a house I had just passed and began his own journey up the street. He steadily increased his pace until he was walking next to me. I, noticing this, was a bit apprehensive as he turned to talk to me. And he gave me what was possibly the most wonderful pick-up line in the world "Hi, I'm Rick. I'm trying to meet everyone on the street. What's your name?" It was just too irresistible.
2. Freshman Encounters
Towards the end of my freshman year at college, I met Joe. On the outside, he seemed very cool. He was cute, funny, and very talented at the guitar. But the more I hung out with him, the weirder he became. First I learned about his shaving habits. Now, most guys I know shave their faces or even their heads. I have no problem with the regular removal of body hair, but Joe took shaving to a whole other level. As I learned, Joe liked to shave ALL of his body hair off once a year. You may be thinking, shaving body hair isn't that odd. But he shaved EVERYTHING. Face, head, arms, legs, even eyebrows! And it wasn't just whenever he felt like it, it was on the SUMMER SOLSTICE. He was actually upset because the quarter system at school made him postpone his shaving day to a later date, past the solstice. More incidents began to happen, getting weirder and weirder. I finally decided it was time to break it off. I texted Joe and asked him to meet me so we could talk. When he responded, he said MEET ME BY THE TREES. Now, our campus is not bursting with green areas, but there are definitely enough groups of trees to cause confusion. I figured out what trees he meant and broke it off, thankfully before the summer solstice happened and he tried to shave my head.
3. RICHIE RICH
I met Damien through a friend. He seemed really cool and I was excited about this new addition to our social circle. Damien and I went to eat once and we had a blast. It went so well, we decided to try it again. Take two was tragic. First, he was late. I had to stand outside of the restaurant waiting for him to arrive. When he did, he was wearing a sweater with possibly the lowest v-neck ever invented and NO UNDERSHIRT. We made our way to the table and sat down. Now, Damien sat next to me instead of across from me, taking up two tables, which didn't seem to be a problem as the restaurant wasn't very crowded. The hostess gave him the stink eye though; apparently too much for him to handle. He proceeded to say very loudly "It's ok, I'm rich" repeatedly. I wanted to leave immediately, but I was really hungry so I decided to stick it out. During the meal, Damien proceeded to talk about his foreign travels (easy for him to do because he's rich), blatantly flirt with the waitress, and not offer to pay for my meal with his exorbitant wealth. I left as soon as possible which was still not soon enough. He now does not understand why I don't want to talk to him. I guess money doesn't buy social skills.
Monday, April 26, 2010
LA Woman
Welcome to our blog. I understand that this has been done before, but it's much better when you know that these are real stories, and have happened to your friends (or friends of friends). If you would like to share your unfortunate stories involving a Leroy of sorts, please please PLEASE email me at rfranken2@gmail.com
Claire has some of the most amazing stories that I've heard regarding her encounters with Leroys, including the greatest pickup line of all time (that I unfortunately overheard) "Hi. My name's Jason. I live in a closet and play the jazz flute. Do you want to make out?"
When we first moved to LA, I always dragged Brett to the grocery store with me. I don't have to worry about it now, in our new place, but get this. One night--and I mean ONE night--I went to the grocery store by myself. Brett couldn't be bothered to leave his room, he's a punkass, pick any reason. I went by myself. Not one, not two, but THREE weirdos singled me out in the 20 minutes I was there:
#1. Eighty years old, at least, had me help him find something on the shelf. Me, being the nice person I am, helped him, was polite--until he invited me back to his place while staring at my breasts. After a couple winks and horribly cheesy innuendos about helping him get into bed, I moved on with my shopping.
#2. A 600 lb late 20's man makes a comment to me about chocolate milk. We debate over soy chocolate milk, culminating in him inviting me to a music concert. Not just any concert--he and his friends are carpooling in a rented van to the middle of the Nevada desert for a 5 day music festival, and he happens to have an extra ticket if I'd like to come. Totally worth my while. He follows me for two more aisles before catching the hint that I don't want to hop into his rented van with 5 of his friends.
#3. During this entire trip, there has been a man who conveniently ends up in every aisle I'm in, until I lose the concert guy. He's dressed executive, I'd say he's in his early 40's. I head to the pet aisle to get food for Zooey*, when I see him talking to a store employee at the other end of the aisle. As soon as he notices me, he thanks her then heads towards me. I kid you not, he has a lean cuisine and a banana. And yet, he needed something in every aisle I've been in. He starts off by telling me how beautiful I am. As in, compliments every body part. Not kidding. Boobs, butt, everything. He then proceeds to tell me he's psychic, and that he wants to prove it. He starts by predicting I have a cat.
Just take a moment, let's see if you're impressed too: I'm standing in front of Iam's and Purina cat food, trying to decide which will make Zooey's farts less stinky.
He then guesses after looking at my clothing and tattoos, that Zooey's black. Awesome! This gives him a chance to closer inspect my wrist tattoo, and focus on the second line: carpe noctem. His words: "We could do the second line of your tattoo tonight." He asks me if I can dance. He says if I'd like lessons, he can give me private lessons (in fact, we can start as soon as we leave the store). He'd be happy to help me with my dancing, for free. I finally push him off me and my tattoo with the vague excuse of a boyfriend--this is when Evan comes in handy, so if I even need to call "the boyfriend" for proof, he exists. When I stupidly admit Evan's half a continent away, he comes right back to the tattoo. After a while, and some more comments about my beautiful smile, bewitching eyes and bangin' body and how we should "seize the night tonight," we head our separate ways. But oh wait! He comes back down the aisle, to tell me a secret before he leaves. And Rachel, I swear to GOD I did not know this line existed outside of complete farce--I really assumed everyone who used it or heard it took it as a complete joke. But not this guy. He takes my wrist and whispers into my ear: "I would have rocked your world."
He steps back, looking into my eyes as though this changes ANYTHING, and after I laugh, the horror that is my evening finally concludes.
And THAT, is why grocery stores are scary.
Submitted by Claire
Claire has some of the most amazing stories that I've heard regarding her encounters with Leroys, including the greatest pickup line of all time (that I unfortunately overheard) "Hi. My name's Jason. I live in a closet and play the jazz flute. Do you want to make out?"
When we first moved to LA, I always dragged Brett to the grocery store with me. I don't have to worry about it now, in our new place, but get this. One night--and I mean ONE night--I went to the grocery store by myself. Brett couldn't be bothered to leave his room, he's a punkass, pick any reason. I went by myself. Not one, not two, but THREE weirdos singled me out in the 20 minutes I was there:
#1. Eighty years old, at least, had me help him find something on the shelf. Me, being the nice person I am, helped him, was polite--until he invited me back to his place while staring at my breasts. After a couple winks and horribly cheesy innuendos about helping him get into bed, I moved on with my shopping.
#2. A 600 lb late 20's man makes a comment to me about chocolate milk. We debate over soy chocolate milk, culminating in him inviting me to a music concert. Not just any concert--he and his friends are carpooling in a rented van to the middle of the Nevada desert for a 5 day music festival, and he happens to have an extra ticket if I'd like to come. Totally worth my while. He follows me for two more aisles before catching the hint that I don't want to hop into his rented van with 5 of his friends.
#3. During this entire trip, there has been a man who conveniently ends up in every aisle I'm in, until I lose the concert guy. He's dressed executive, I'd say he's in his early 40's. I head to the pet aisle to get food for Zooey*, when I see him talking to a store employee at the other end of the aisle. As soon as he notices me, he thanks her then heads towards me. I kid you not, he has a lean cuisine and a banana. And yet, he needed something in every aisle I've been in. He starts off by telling me how beautiful I am. As in, compliments every body part. Not kidding. Boobs, butt, everything. He then proceeds to tell me he's psychic, and that he wants to prove it. He starts by predicting I have a cat.
Just take a moment, let's see if you're impressed too: I'm standing in front of Iam's and Purina cat food, trying to decide which will make Zooey's farts less stinky.
He then guesses after looking at my clothing and tattoos, that Zooey's black. Awesome! This gives him a chance to closer inspect my wrist tattoo, and focus on the second line: carpe noctem. His words: "We could do the second line of your tattoo tonight." He asks me if I can dance. He says if I'd like lessons, he can give me private lessons (in fact, we can start as soon as we leave the store). He'd be happy to help me with my dancing, for free. I finally push him off me and my tattoo with the vague excuse of a boyfriend--this is when Evan comes in handy, so if I even need to call "the boyfriend" for proof, he exists. When I stupidly admit Evan's half a continent away, he comes right back to the tattoo. After a while, and some more comments about my beautiful smile, bewitching eyes and bangin' body and how we should "seize the night tonight," we head our separate ways. But oh wait! He comes back down the aisle, to tell me a secret before he leaves. And Rachel, I swear to GOD I did not know this line existed outside of complete farce--I really assumed everyone who used it or heard it took it as a complete joke. But not this guy. He takes my wrist and whispers into my ear: "I would have rocked your world."
He steps back, looking into my eyes as though this changes ANYTHING, and after I laugh, the horror that is my evening finally concludes.
And THAT, is why grocery stores are scary.
Submitted by Claire
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