Meet me by the trees

1. Best/Worst Pick-Up Line:

A few days after I moved into my apartment last year, I was walking up the street to meet a friend for lunch. About halfway to the top, a guy came out of a house I had just passed and began his own journey up the street. He steadily increased his pace until he was walking next to me. I, noticing this, was a bit apprehensive as he turned to talk to me. And he gave me what was possibly the most wonderful pick-up line in the world "Hi, I'm Rick. I'm trying to meet everyone on the street. What's your name?" It was just too irresistible.


2. Freshman Encounters

Towards the end of my freshman year at college, I met Joe. On the outside, he seemed very cool. He was cute, funny, and very talented at the guitar. But the more I hung out with him, the weirder he became. First I learned about his shaving habits. Now, most guys I know shave their faces or even their heads. I have no problem with the regular removal of body hair, but Joe took shaving to a whole other level. As I learned, Joe liked to shave ALL of his body hair off once a year. You may be thinking, shaving body hair isn't that odd. But he shaved EVERYTHING. Face, head, arms, legs, even eyebrows! And it wasn't just whenever he felt like it, it was on the SUMMER SOLSTICE. He was actually upset because the quarter system at school made him postpone his shaving day to a later date, past the solstice. More incidents began to happen, getting weirder and weirder. I finally decided it was time to break it off. I texted Joe and asked him to meet me so we could talk. When he responded, he said MEET ME BY THE TREES. Now, our campus is not bursting with green areas, but there are definitely enough groups of trees to cause confusion. I figured out what trees he meant and broke it off, thankfully before the summer solstice happened and he tried to shave my head.


3. RICHIE RICH

I met Damien through a friend. He seemed really cool and I was excited about this new addition to our social circle. Damien and I went to eat once and we had a blast. It went so well, we decided to try it again. Take two was tragic. First, he was late. I had to stand outside of the restaurant waiting for him to arrive. When he did, he was wearing a sweater with possibly the lowest v-neck ever invented and NO UNDERSHIRT. We made our way to the table and sat down. Now, Damien sat next to me instead of across from me, taking up two tables, which didn't seem to be a problem as the restaurant wasn't very crowded. The hostess gave him the stink eye though; apparently too much for him to handle. He proceeded to say very loudly "It's ok, I'm rich" repeatedly. I wanted to leave immediately, but I was really hungry so I decided to stick it out. During the meal, Damien proceeded to talk about his foreign travels (easy for him to do because he's rich), blatantly flirt with the waitress, and not offer to pay for my meal with his exorbitant wealth. I left as soon as possible which was still not soon enough. He now does not understand why I don't want to talk to him. I guess money doesn't buy social skills.